Comparing Big 12 schools to countries ...

Texas is like the USA - Wealthy, talented, and with seemingly endless resources. They have a big ego, but are deserving of it because they win at almost everything they do. Others often despise them out of jealousy. Their money and wealth make the world go round, and everyone wants a piece.

Texas A&M is like China - Big, powerful, and rival of Texas ( USA ). They live in a male dominated society, and thus their women are not allowed to be cheerleaders. Their money and power also make the world go round.

Oklahoma is like Mexico - Having no resources of their own, they have to invade the border of Texas (USA) in order to survive.

Oklahoma State is like Venezuela - There wasn't a whole lot there to start with, but without the oil money they would be nothing there at all. They have a crazy guy in charge who often shouts nonsense when he speaks.

Baylor is like Israel - A feisty little religious enclave that could not survive without Texas (USA). However, if provoked, they WILL kill you.

Colorado is like Canada - A small, unimportant bastion of liberals who are not very good at anything. Like Canada , they are bad at all sports other than hockey. Like Canada , they produce no GDP.

Nebraska is like Russia - A former super power who frequently stirs up trouble because they still think they are a super power. Nebraska ( Russia ) thinks it is the equal of Texas (USA), and pouts in public when it doesn't get its baby way. When they do not get their way, they take their ball and go home. Go big RED!

Missouri is like Iran and North Korea - a definite member of the axis of evil. Conniving and loyal to no one, you can not believe anything they say (you can only watch in amazement at what they do). Like Iran and North Korea , they are hated and despised by everyone--even the Swiss.

Iowa State is like Switzerland - Boring, unimportant, not good at much of anything, but neutral and without enemies. Even the Hawkeyes like the Swiss.

Texas Tech is like Australia - Big, dusty, and a Texas version of "down under". Cowboys, like Aussie's, drink a lot of beer and carry weapons.

KU is like France - Full of socialists and they think they are better than everyone else. This high opinion of themselves is not shared by anyone else in the world. Like France , KU cannot be trusted or counted on during a time of need.

K-State is like Ireland - A gritty, feisty, over-achieving little country with a large inferiority complex. What they lack in resources, they make up by determination and people. Others can't find them on a map, but they like them because they are fun, friendly, and like to drink beer.

While walking down the street one day a US senator is tragically hit by a truck and dies.

His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

'Welcome to heaven,' says St. Peter. 'Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem.. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you.'

'No problem, just let me in,' says the man..

'Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity.'

'Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven,' says the senator.

'I'm sorry, but we have our rules.'

And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.

Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, Shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting Rich at the expense of the people.

They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne.

Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he realizes it, it is time to go.

Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises....

The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him.

'Now it's time to visit heaven.'

So, 24 hours pass with the senator joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.

'Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven.. Now choose your eternity.'

The senator reflects for a minute, then he answers: 'Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell.'

So St Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.

Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage.

He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above.

The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder. 'I don't understand,' stammers the senator. 'Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?'

The devil looks at him, smiles and says, 'Yesterday we were campaigning. Today you voted.'

A man and his dog walk into a bar. The man says, "I bet $10,000 my dog can talk." The bartender says alright I'll take that bet. The owner asks his dog whats on top of a house the dog answers, "Whroof." The bartender rolls his eyes. The owner tells his dog too imitate a pitbull, the dog growls. Then the owner asks, Who's the greatest baseball player of all time?" The dog answers, "Wruth!" Disgusted the bartender kicks them out and the dog looks up too his owner and says, "Or is it Mantle?"

A very attractive blonde woman from South Carolina arrived at Vegas...and bet twenty-thousand dollars ($20,000) on a single roll of the dice.

She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I play topless."
With that, she stripped to the waist; rolled the dice; and yelled, "Come on, baby....Southern Girl needs new clothes!"
As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up-and-down...and squealed..."YES! YES! I WON! I WON!" She hugged each of the dealers...and then picked up her winnings and her clothes, and quickly departed.

The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered, "I don't know... I thought you were watching."

Moral?
Not all Southerners are stupid.
Not all blondes are dumb.
But all men......are men.

Two 90-year old men, Moe and Joe, have been friends all of their lives. When it's clear that Joe is dying, Moe visits him every day. One day Moe says, "Joe, we both loved baseball all our lives, and we played minor league ball together for so many years. Please do me one favor when you get to Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there's baseball there."

Joe looks up at Moe from his death bed, "Moe, you've been my best friend for many years. If it's at all possible, I'll do this favor for you."

Shortly after that, Joe passes on.

At midnight a couple of nights later, Moe is awakened from a sound sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to him, "Moe--Moe".

"Who is it?" asks Moe sitting up suddenly.

"Moe--it's me, Joe."

"You're not Joe. Joe just died."

"I'm telling you, it's me, Joe", insists the voice.

"Joe! Where are you?"

"I'm in heaven", replies Joe. "I have some really good news and a little bad news."

"Tell me the good news first," says Moe.

"The good news," Joe says," is that there's baseball in heaven. Better yet, all of our old buddies who died before us are here, too. Better than that, we're all young again. Better still, it's always spring time and it never rains or snows. And best of all, we can play baseball all we want, and we never get tired."

"That's fantastic," says Moe "It's beyond my wildest dreams! So what's the bad news?"

"You're pitching Tuesday."